Not a real post, but I promise I have things (almost) ready to roll for you next week when I get back. I’m sure the mountains will clear my head and give me the clarity to finish these hi-larious articles I’ve been working on. Or I’ll find some moonshine and never ever return to civilization. You never know. See you soon my pretties. Here’s a picture of…this
Right?
It’s pretty much what it looks like: it fills up your iphone with ‘beer”, and it will slosh around based on the crude accelerometer in the phone. Tip it towards the top right to “drink” and it will slowly empty out, or give it a shake and it will foam up.
I want to hate it, because I have a passionate (if somewhat irrational) hatred of all things Apple that burns in me like the fire from a thousand suns. Also, it’s pretty useless yet it still costs $3. However, I think it’s just clever enough that I kind of like it. At least enough to post it here and share with all you good people.
Sorry guys, no Ask DrinkPlanner this week. Know why? Because nobody has sent in any questions! I know you guys don’t know everything there is to know about boozing (I certainly don’t). So go ahead, ask me anything about booze or the boozin’ life. Could be a question about how alcohol is made or interacts with your body or what’s proper etiquette when buying shots or the history of some booze or how do you deal with hangovers or how to handle a naggy girlfriend who doesn’t drink and is giving you lip about boozin’. Whatever. I could have written myself a fake letter based on any one of those things to fill in this week but I didn’t, because I have too much damn respect for you guys. So do me a solid and hit me up. Or if you just want to chat or get something off your chest, my email is always open to you guys. Unless you’re trying to sell me a penis enhancing apparatus or breast enlarging ointment…in which case call me ASAP!*
And just so you know, next week I’m going to be up in the mountains, far far away from civilization, so don’t expect me to respond immediately to anything you send in. I’ll try and set up a few posts to auto-publish while I’m gone so you crazy kids have something to read. There is an off chance I might be able to encounter a computer once or twice while I’m up there, so I may be able to shoot back a reply, but don’t count on it.
I know, I’ll miss you too. Drink one for me while I’m gone.
*I just got a spam email (”How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure!”) with possibly the best fake name ever: Burgdorf Shambaugh. How great is that? It kind of makes me want to change my name to Burgdorf Shambaugh, move to a new town and start all over with one of the greatest names ever conceived. Just a little.
I don’t care who you are, when you’re drinking (and I mean driiiiinkin’) music selection can be the difference between walking on water and drowning in your own tears. The difference between dancing in the streets and passing out in the gutter. Nothing is worse than some dumbass putting on some old sad bastard music in the middle of a party because they’re drunk and weepy and want to pine for hours over their ex to some crappy Nickleback song and bringing the entire shindig to a screeching halt. SCREW THEM. Do that on your own time, Chico…there’s a friggin’ PARTY going on!
So I’m writing this to hip you to something you may have missed the first time around, so you don’t miss it this time. If you missed it, the best drinking album of the past few years (yes, YEARS) hands down was “Boys and Girls in America
utlets, but I think that undercuts how good they really are. A good bar band does a bunch of great covers, dead-on, that everyone can sing along to and rejoice in and commiserate with their fellow boozer. These guys weave elaborate (original) stories that recreate in incredible detail and authenticity the life and times of many an average shmoe trying to get by (who also happens to drink heavily). What I mean to say is…they speak our language.
Not only that, but they speak it with such a poetry and elegance you don’t quite get it the first go-round, but these songs are amazingly dense with meaning and clever turns of phrase. Here’s songwriter and lead singer Craig Finn at work on the track “Stuck Between Stations”:
She was a really cool kisser and she wasn’t all that strict of a Christian.
She was a damn good dancer but she wasn’t all that great of a girlfriend.
She likes the warm feeling but she’s tired of all the dehydration.
Most nights are crystal clear
But tonight it’s like it’s stuck between stations
On the radio.
And they’re rocking hard while they do it. I mean really, with lyrics like that, how can you go back to just throwing on some old Fall Out Boy or some crappy mix CD from 2002 at a party when you know that great drinking music like this exists in the universe?
So why am I telling you about an album from 2006 now? Because their new album, “Stay Positive“, just came out this week. I’m trying to give you the heads up that if you missed their last one, well that’s ok, you’ll have to play catch-up at some point. But now, today…you need to get yourself ahead of the curve and get this album before you’ve missed another great booze-and-music combination. I’ll be honest, I’m only about half-way through it, but so far it’s pretty damn great, and I feel confident recommending it to you guys. Do yourself a favor, and check it out (and check out Boys and Girls in America
Otherwise, you’ll be left with that asshole playing “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn
(Oh, and if you haven’t checked out the DrinkPlanner Muxtape yet, you should! Tons of great drinking songs. If you’ve got one to suggest, let us know!
The amazingly crush-worthy Christina Perozzi (above) has opened up Beer 4 Chicks, a site and blog for beer-drinking ladies* by a beer-drinking lady!. If they ever launch a dating section of the site, I fully expect to meet my future wife there.
The Greener Grass points us to what is possibly the greatest keg accoutrement ever.
Our pals at Another Wine Blog have an interesting video on how music can affect your enjoyment of wine.
And if I don’t meet a fine lady-friend at the non-existent Beer 4 Chicks dating site, this woman with a 0.55% BAC was probably driving around looking for me.
George Will finally stops being a wackjob for once and admits that beer is responsible for the success of modern society.
Somehow we completely missed that there’s a Beer Pong Game for the Nintendo Wii. Who knew?
*But seriously…no RSS? What is this, 2002?
The interwebs are all atwitter at the news today that American beer mega-producer Anheuser-Busch will be sold to Belgian powerhouse InBev for a cool $52 billion dollars. Many are crying out at the #1 US brewer being sold off to a foreign company, how it’ll be bad for AB and bad for the US, but to anybody who’s been paying attention, this should come as no surprise.
The fact is that Anheuser-Busch has been mismanaged for years now, and while most consumers only know them by their flagship brands Budweiser and Bud Light (and other derivatives like Bud Select and Bud Ice), they handle a number of other beverages. I don’t want to turn this into a big long business analysis, but to anybody who noticed their “Jekyll and Hyde” blunder or knows the vomitocious wonder of their clam and tomato juice (and of course beer) Chelada drink-like concoction know that they’ve been slipping lately. There’s a lot of other reasons why they’re screwing up (poor marketing of brands like Bud Select and Tilt, letting Bud Lime get out without anybody taste-testing it, allowing Bacardi Silver Mango Mojito to exist, not playing up potential big winners like Shock-Top, etc.) but they’ve been in need of new management and brand-handling for a long time, and they’ve seemed complacent to change anything that needed changing. So it’s a great buy for InBev, who handles big-time imports like Stella Artois, Becks. Bass, Boddingtons and at least four other brands that begin with “B”, who will now be able to add a whole slew of other B-beers to their stable.
And to those panicking about lost American jobs and whatnot…calm the hell down. Anheuser-Busch is THE #1 producer of beer in the states, and they’re not going to be shutting down production anytime soon. How cost-effective do you think it would be to move production of the #1 US beer out of the US, only to have to ship it back to us? InBev isn’t stupid, they know many US drinkers aren’t happy about the takeover, but give them a chance. They wouldn’t have the clout (or the cash) to buy out AB if they weren’t good at making and selling beer. They’re actually branding it as AB and InBev “combining” instead of a buyout, which shows they’re not planning on destroying the beers or brand you’ve come to know and love.
So relax, interwebs. Time will only tell as to what this will mean down the line, but rest assured your favorite Anheuser-Busch brands aren’t going anywhere. Unless your favorite brand is Bud Light Chelada, in which case you deserve whatever you get.
Here’s a slick and humorous little viral vid (in the same spirit, but much less obvious than the Zach, Tim, and Eric ones) with a retro-infomercial style starring the one and only Kanye West.
And sorry I’ve been light on the posts this week (and will probably continue to be) but I just became an uncle for the first time, so things are a little hectic (and happy, of course) in the Great Big DrinkPlanner’s family.
via :: Martini Groove
How does the DrinkPlanner celebrate freedom and all that good stuff? With a bunch of fireworks blasted off from an emptied handle of Johnnie Walker, that’s how! (click for the large versions, they’re worth it)
Friggin’ awesome
Seriously
A few bottle rockets lift-off
This is just cool
Hope everyone had a kickass 4th!
Take this opportunity to spend some time with friends/family and celebrate our freedom.
And by “celebrate”, I mean “drink something!”
Yep we’ve got a special treat for you all, a brand new shirt in our shirt shop for men AND women! First, in bold burgundy for the men:
And in a luscious raspberry for the ladies:
Now you can let the world know that while you may like wine, you’re not going to be a dick about it. Booze is meant to be enjoyed, isn’t it? This is something of a sneak peak at the upcoming DrinkPlanner “crusade” that we’ll be revealing in the near future. I know that’s vague and makes it feel like an episode of Lost where you’re left with more questions than answers, but just know that by the time we’re done, the world of drinking won’t be the same. In a good way.
