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2009
After booze, one of my favorite things is music. This will be an occasional feature where I speak briefly about some music (full albums or songs) I’ve been enjoying while I throw a few back.
Hey-oooo, new feature time! Music and drinking go together like something and something. They’re made for each other! I have a pretty wide (yet refined with just a touch of “snooty”) taste in music, so hopefully there will be something for everyone to enjoy. I’m linking stuff to Amazon.com because they’re consistently the cheapest and I hate iTunes and their stupid DRM. SO….here’s what I’ve been pouring into my earhole lately.
1. The Hold Steady – A Positive Rage
2. Wale – Chillin’ (feat Lady GaGa)
3. Chromeo – Needy Girl
4. Phoenix – Lisztomania: Another contender for Summer Hip-Swinger ‘09, the first two tracks on their latest album are the best, Lisztomania in particular. I’m not sure that anyone knows what it means, but it just makes you feel good and makes you dance like only white people can dance (much like Consolation Prizes
I also had a brief write-up of the new Method Man & Redman Blackout! 2 (Short Summary: it’s great!) album but wordpress decided that it wanted to delete it like the moody little bitch it is. No TV for a week!
Heard anything good lately? Share it in the comments!
2009
I know this is only tangentially related to booze, but screw it. These hand-made men’s skincare products and colognes from Portland General Store come in manly man-scents like WHISKEY, TOBACCO, and WOOD, and their old-timey apothecary look is making me swoon.
See? It’s named “WHISKEY” which means I can technically post it on this site. Also, it’s my blog, so I DO WHAT I WANT AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME
Those look so great! There’s no actual whiskey in them, but whatever, still badass. They’re also organic and vegan, as if any man who would slather such burly tonics on his bristled gob would care about such a thing, but they’re made by a woman, so GO FIGURE. Here’s another, because I think they’re pretty handsome.
Perfect! I’d love to have a shelf or a cupboard I’d open up filled with oils and tinctures in badass bottles like these. Hygiene would be so fun! They also have a ladies line with really fun names like UNFOLD and WHEAT AND CARROT and FACE FOOD so you ladies have a blast with those. We’ll be busy punching mountains and wrestling bears and drinking like KINGS. You know, man business.
Portland General Store via :: Uncrate
2009
Oh you rich people. You get these great ideas, tease us with them for months, get us all geared up for the big unveiling, and then just before the final product is ready and you’re about to present it to the public, you dip it in piss. I’m a metaphor master! Anyway, I’m referring to the bar Lumen at the Ritz-Carlton. They decided they wanted to update it’s stodgy old-man look and modernize things a bit. Wonderful! So they commissioned some artists to make some shiny new upscale fancy-pants art as part of the $20 million renovation. Recessions are for poor people! Then they went a step further, and had their resident mixologist create specialty drinks to be paired with each painting. Great idea! So far so good, right?
Whoops.
Turns out their mixologist didn’t go to any bartending school, but in fact acquired his doctorate from the Fruity Vomit Academy of Diabetic Shock (accreditation pending). Seriously, this guy can’t get enough sickly-sweet artificial fruit flavors into his drinks. LET ME SHOW YOU. First, some of the art that’s about to be abused:
Seas of Europa XXXI by Bob Ichter
Great. Very arty. I am familiar with art and this looks just like it, expectations satisfied. Now for the drink (another subject I’m pretty familiar with). I’ll list out the ingredients, you go get your barf bag:
- Stoli Strawberry vodka
- Watermelon Pucker schnapps
- Cointreau
- Blue curaçao “pearls” (whatever those are)
That is a terrible drink! I don’t know the measurements, but anything more than “none” is a big mistake in this combination. Drinks do not need that much fruit flavor, usually one is plenty. There is more sugar in that drink than you should consume in three weeks. Everything is wrong with it, most self-respecting bartenders wouldn’t have 75% of those liquors*, but he’s got them all, and all in the same drink. It’s like when you were a kid and you went to a restaurant that had a fill-up-your-own-soda station and you made a “suicide” by putting some of each soda into your cup. It was a nasty sugary mess. Even at that age, you knew it was a bad idea…it was called a suicide! You didn’t exactly know what suicide was, but you knew it was bad. This drink should be called “Worse Than Suicide”, because of how this bartender should jump off a bridge. He should jump off of every bridge, just to be sure.
“But DrinkPlannerrrrrrr…” you’re whining to me, “maybe it was just that one drink. MAYBE that particular painting whispered to the barkeep’s tender babysoul in those particular super-fruity brushstrokes and he couldn’t help but be moved in his shuddering loins to pour out a cocktail that is essentially a fist-full of pixie sticks. Cut the guy a break, maybe the other drinks are made with bourbons and gins and infused with the subtle mystery and wonderment the art deserves.” Fair enough. I submit to the jury Exhibit B(arf):
The artist, his art, and a glass full of sick (courtesy ajc.com)
And now, the ingredients:
- Absolut Kurant
- Limoncello
- Blue curaçao (Again? There’s no blue in that painting! Give it a rest!)
- Blueberry and mango purees
Horrible! There’s a third one, but you get the idea. And Ritz-Carlton, part of your $20 million paid for this stomach-churning mistake. You are paying this so-called “mixologist” presumably a lot of money, and this is the kind of crap he’s making? In your name! In a recession! He should be bringing his A-game, not concocting these gut-wrenching abominations made from the blood of a thousand tortured Skittles. Seriously, with actual kickass bars sprouting up all over Atlanta like Craftbar and Beleza and Sasha Petraske’s Drinkshop, you cannot afford to skate by on these lame-ass candy-ass drinks. Get your game up.
The only upside I can see in this is the names of the drinks are exactly the names of the art they are paired with. The above is thankfully named “Evening Bonfire”, but the way these drinks were going I was pretty sure it was going to be changed to “Evening Bonfire Sunsplashatini” or something equally stupid and hacky. Small comfort I suppose, but in a mess this big you gotta take it where you can get it.
via :: The AJC
*Cointreau is the only one you should have, and it is great
2009
Sorry gang, I couldn’t get it together in time this week and I’m about to leave to go out of town for the weekend. I have a few questions I got over Twitter, so look for Ask DrinkPlanner to resume next week. Have a great weekend!
2009
I have no idea if this is an actual product or just a concept design thingy, but dayuuum, this is a friggin’ sweet bottle design.
I don’t care if it tastes like lukewarm catpiss and 4-day old backup-dancer buttfunk, I WANT THAT BOTTLE.
2009
So this is something I’ve never participated in, but I’m giving it a shot. Mixology Monday is an online event where cocktail bloggers from around the web make drinks based on a theme. It happens once a month, and this one is hosted by Matt over at RumDood (who will provide a round-up of all the cocktails created), and the theme he’s chosen is ginger. Ginger in whatever form: sliced, shredded, ginger beer, ginger liqueur, WHATEVER. It’s just gotta be ginger. I’d been working on this drink already when I found out this month’s theme, so what better place to debut it than to a group who could provide the most humiliating ridicule and soul-crushing criticism possible, right?
Generally speaking, I am horrible at making new drinks*. I shouldn’t say that…I’m inexperienced at making new drinks, I’ve really never done it much, just left it up to the professionals. But for some reason this drink sprung up from out of nowhere, the ingredients from around my house just spoke to me until I did what they said and put them together in a drink. I happened to have some candied/crystalized ginger lying around from a dip my sister-in-law had made for a family event. It’s basically sliced ginger dried out and coated in sugar. You know, candied. It results in a milder and sweeter ginger flavor, though it still retains some of that natural ginger warmth. Anyway, enough blibbity-blab, here’s the drink:
The Ginger-Grass Shimmy
1/4oz simple syrup
1 slice candied ginger
1-2oz DRY Lemongrass soda
Lemon peel garnish
Combine gin and simple in a shaker and shake. Pour over ginger slice and muddle ginger. Top with lemongrass soda and garnish with lemon peel.
You can adjust the simple up or down to your liking, there’s bound to be residual sugar on the ginger, so that will add some sweetness. You need to pour the gin/simple over the ginger before muddling since it’s pretty dry and dry-muddling it would be FOOLISH. Also, if you’re preparing this in a cocktail glass to be a fancy-jerk like I was be careful when muddling the ginger, cocktail glasses are typically pretty fragile. I tried this with several different gins, but the Martin Miller provided the most “clean” feel to it and added to the refreshing nature of the drink. I got the DRY lemongrass soda at a Fresh Market near me that was clearing it out at $1.99 a 4-pack, and bought it on a whim that I’d find a use for it some day. I’ll be honest, this isn’t a super ginger-forward drink, but if you muddle it well you’ll get a nice little ginger-burn at the back of your throat when you sip it, a nice contrast to the bright crisp flavors of the rest of the drink. If you want more ginger flavor, maybe garnish with some fresh sliced ginger instead of the lemon. I would have tried that if I had some.
So there it is! I don’t know if I’ll submit a drink next month, but it just seemed like a great convergence of things came together to make this drink happen and a good way to put it out in the world. Be sure to check out RumDood to see all the other entries!
*This drink may serve to perpetuate that general rule, YOU be the judge!
2009
Ask DrinkPlanner is a reoccurring feature here where readers submit their questions, and the crack team at DrinkPlanner does our best to answer. Got a question about booze? Ask us!
Hey gang, a quickie but a goodie. Keep sending in questions!
“Dear Drinkplanner,
Can you toast with non-alcoholic drinks, or does the etiquette only allow toasting with booze?
Cheers!
Teetotaling Toaster”
Uhm, I think the better question is why don’t you have any booze? Did you run out? Were you not prepared? WERE YOU ROBBED!?! I’m not sure I get this concept of “non-alcoholic” drinks or why you’d toast with them, but I’ll take a swing at it.
Tradition does indeed dictate that toasts typically be performed with alcoholic drinks. It’s a tradition that goes back in just about every culture as far back as we have Wikipedia pages for. It’s a festive thing to do, a celebration, and even some non-drinkers are known to take a small sip of champagne at weddings. HOWEVER, there is no requirement that you have to toast with alcohol. So yes, you can indeed toast with drinks other than alcohol. There are sure to be events where underage children or those who can’t drink for health reasons will be part of the group, and it would be more rude to not include them in the joyous event than to insist that they drink with you.
So feel free to hoist a mug full of apple juice or bacon grease or Caffeine-free Diet Cherry Shasta and join in the revelry the next time a toast is proposed.
Thanks for writing in, and KEEP THE QUESTIONS COMING, PEOPLE! You can ask by electronic mails, in the comments, through Twitter, WHEREVER. Just ask!
2009
For as long as I’ve been a drinker, there have always been a few go-to shots that you can count on any bar anywhere having and pretty much everyone enjoying. At the top of that list: Jagermeister. It is, and has been for some time, King of All Shots*. It’s easy, you don’t have to remember some silly name or remember what’s in it if the bartender doesn’t know it, or worst of all, take a chance on whatever the house special is (”The shot special is ‘The Promiscuous Penguin’? Uhmm…”). Jager is always a sure bet. Jager is easy, simple, and a no brainer. How could it possibly be beat? Enter ZWACK.
Zwack is a Hungarian liqueur dating back to 1790 containing a blend of over 40 herbs and spices**. In many ways, it’s a lot like Jager in that it’s very herbal, has a deep history with European roots, and the recommended way to drink it is a chilled shot. Easy-peasy. The sample I was sent contained two shot glasses, so it’s clear that Zwack is gunnin’ for that number one spot.
So how does it taste? Is it better? Will it make me famous and help me to lose 50lbs in 3 hours!?! IS IT FULL OF WIN!!?!?! Well…yeah, I think so! Zwack is definitely less “medicinal” tasting than Jager, with a little more sweetness to it as well as a stronger citrus component. I like it, and frankly Zwack meets Jager on its home turf and comes out ahead in the end. I think the only thing that’s keeping it from being a big hit is availability and name recognition. Though I will say, I went out for a friend’s birthday at my local dive of a bar (whose big drink special is normally $6 pitchers of Busch and $2 wells) and was shocked when the bartender pulled out a chilled bottle of Zwack and offered shots to our group. He knew it, liked it, and was confident enough in the product to pitch it to our group as a shot we should buy for the birthday girl. We did! That’s saying a lot, being in the little local dive of a bar (outside Big City Limits) that I was in. Make no mistake, Zwack is on the move.
So if you’re out, give it a shot (LITERALLY, HAR HAR) or go pick up a cute little round bottle of your own. There’s no way anyone who drinks Jager won’t like it, and you might win a few non-Jager-drinking converts in the process.
*Tequila pulls a close second, but really that’s a whole category of drank
**Like REALLY GOOD fried chicken. Or not. At all.
2009
Hey guys, you know Diddy, right? I mean Diddy the mixologist, not the one-time-backup-dancer-for-Heavy-D-turned-incredible-(but-now-boring) producer. You know the one? You know the one. Well you know how everyone has been working hard to make some really great drinks for the whole world to enjoy, right? Well Diddy has outdone us ALL. No jokez, no LOLz. Quality ingredients, superior technique, professional bartendering…all part of the process of making great drinks, am I right? Puff Daddy P. Diddy P. Twitty Diddy* shows us how!
**
Perfect! Just get a bartender to pour unmeasured amounts of Ciroc vodka (AKA “The Vodka Rappers Won’t Shut Up About!”) and unspecified lemonade and you’ve got a bonafide mixology CLASSIC ready to pour down your gullet. Forget the Manhattan. Forget the Old Fashioned. The DIDDY is here to blow your FRIGGING MIND out the back of your delicate skull and wait there on the hot pavement until you pick it up and mix it a “Classic DIDDY”. But wait, there’s more in Diddy’s soggy bag of hap-hazard mixology tricks! Ladies and gentlemen, the O.G. DIDDY!:
Oh DAYUM you guys, did you see that SHAKE? So professional! The (again) unmeasured portions let you know that this is not only a top-shelf drink, but one that’s been carefully crafted and prepared by possibly the best bartender to half-heartedly shake a cobbler and smirk like an asshole EVER. Seriously, it’s a good thing that’s the bartender a multi-millionaire keeps on staff at all times, because he’s so inventive and GOOD AT HIS JOB, right? And where to get this rare and high-quality ingredient, “Welch’s Grape Juice”? ”Only the OGs know“, so I guess we’re lost, right? Anyone have a hook-up? I’m not sure I know any OGs, but I’ll look in the phonebook and see. Under “O”. Errr… maybe “G”?***
Get locked in!!! Let’s GOOOOOOO!!!!!!!1!!
via :: JTB
*Is it still hilarious to make fun of his names? Of course it is. It’s 1999 still, right?
**No lie, I kind of LOVE the Curb Your Enthusiasm-esque music in the background of these. I know Diddy’s got a sense of humor.
***Second most hilarious joke of 1999. Of course you’ve never heard it before, it’s BRAND NEW.
2009
Ask DrinkPlanner is a reoccurring feature here where readers submit their questions, and the crack team at DrinkPlanner does our best to answer. Got a question about booze? Ask us!
“Dear DrinkPlanner,
We recently bought a house (empty for a year) and found wine in a lower cabinet in the kitchen. I don’t know anything about wine (and I do not think these are special wines), but I would like to know something about them if possible. They are:
Corbett Canyon California Chardonnay 1997 bottled San Luis Obispo and Ripon California
Bordeaux Superieur Verdillac 1982 estate bottled Vigerons de Deux
Sutter Home 1993 California White Zinfandel bottled Napa California
Stevenot 1991 California Cabernet Sauvignon bottle Murphys California
Bardolino Classico Superiore Ruffino
Any information would be appreciated.
Thank you,
Wine Wonderers”
I almost considered just answering this in email and not publishing it, but I thought it would be a good idea to go through how anyone can find info on random bottles of wine you may find or are given. Now, this is assuming that they’ve been kept at ideal temperatures and conditions, and if you don’t know the history of a particular bottle then your mileage may vary. Just because our research on a bottle says it’s ok or even at the perfect time to drink, poor storage conditions or cork mold or any number of other things could have ruined your bottle. Thems the brakes.
SO, that being said, the tool we use to find out the general quality of mystery bottles of wine is called a vintage chart. These charts are put out every so often and let you know the general quality of wines produced from different areas, in different years, and made with different grapes. The one we’re going to use to take a look at your bottles is from Robert Parker’s website. Parker, if you’re unfamiliar with him, is probably the best known name in wine ratings, and publisher of The Wine Advocate. He’s highly respected in the industry, so I figured he’s the guy to go to. At the time of publishing this, the chart we’re using was made in May of 2009, so we’re as up to date as can be hoped for. Now let’s look at your found wines…
1. Corbett Canyon California Chardonay 1997 bottled San Luis Obispo and Ripon California – This one is pretty straight forward. Look at the chart, match up California Chardonnay with the year 1997, and we get…92C. So what does that mean? 92 is in the “Outstanding” range, which is good, but then there’s that “C”. The C means “Caution, may be too old”. Looks like we’re on the back-end of this wine’s prime-time. So I’d probably drink it pretty soon, if you’re going to drink it ever. Wine that’s too old is gross.
2. Bordeaux Superieur Verdillac 1982 estate bottled Vigerons de Deux – This is the info I was sent, but it wasn’t quite enough info to find out what the deal with this wine is. Thankfully, a picture of the bottle helped clear a lot of the confusion up. There’s a lot of info on wine bottles, particularly French wines, and it’s hard to tell what’s important and what’s not. So let’s take a look at this label and break it down.
So here’s the important info on this bottle:
1. Armand Roux – It’s down at the bottom, but that’s the producer. It’s not really important when looking at the vintage chart, but it is a good thing to know who it is that made your wine.
2. 1982 – Duh.
3. Bordeaux Superior – Means it’s from the Bordeaux region in France, which is a good start. But looking at our vintage chart, the Bordeaux region is broken down into specific areas within Bordeaux, each very different. Crap.
3. Saint-Vincent-De-Pertignas – Ah-HA! Hiding down there in the small print is the final clue. From my interweb sleuthing, it looks like that is a small town in France designated to be in the St. Emilion region of Bordeaux. We’ve got what we need now!
So looking at our handy-dandy vintage chart, a 1982 Bordeaux from the St. Emilion region of France rates a 94R. 94 is on the high end of the “Outstanding” range, and the “R” means “Ready to drink”. Perfect! Looks like you’ve got a very good wine that’s ready to drink right this very minute!
3. Sutter Home 1993 California White Zinfandel bottled Napa California – Even though this isn’t on the vintage chart, I feel pretty confident in telling you this is horrible wine and you should not drink it. It’s White Zin, and even if you happen to have a taste for that, it doesn’t get better with age. Toss it.
4. Stevenot 1991 California Cabernet Sauvignon bottle Murphys California – Now that we know how to use the chart, this is a breeze. 1991 California Cabs rate a 94T. We know that the 94 is good, but the “T” means something else. In this case, T stands for “Tannic = still tannic, youthful, or slow to mature*“. So hold on to this bad boy and keep checking the charts as they update and you’ll know when it’s ok to drink.
5. Bardolino Classico Superiore Ruffino – From what I can tell, this is a pretty basic Italian red table wine. Probably a blend, and without a vintage given on the bottle, it probably means it’s not all that great. Without knowing how old it is, you can try drinking it, but I wouldn’t save it for a special occasion or anything.
So I hope that all helps. Like I said, found wine is a gamble, and it could be that every one of those bottles has gone bad in one way or another, or they could all (with the exception of the white zinfandel) be great. There are other vintage charts out there, other factors that could effect those particular bottles, you’ll never know for sure until you crack ‘em open and give them a try. When you do, let me know in the comments how they are.
So wraps up another edition of Ask DrinkPlanner. Keep the questions coming, and I’ll do my darnedest to keep answering them. Have a booze-related question? Ask DrinkPlanner!
*Just like most of my readers
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