I know everyone thinks they know how to drink tequila. YOU probably think you know how to drink tequila. Chances are, you’re wrong (sorry!). Not sure if you know what you’re doing? Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do you usually order Patron?

2. Do you order expensive top shelf tequila in your margaritas?

3. Especially frozen margaritas?

4. Do you have to have salt and lime handy to drink it straight?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, guess what?

Well this Cinco de Mayo (the Mexican holiday most celebrated by gringos!) We here at DrinkPlanner are putting on a clinic to make sure you don’t look like a damn fool when you go out in public. Or that you at least look smarter than your damn fool friends. So much of the culture around tequila drinking is based on impressing other people. It’s not hard to impress people, and you don’t have to spend a fortune to do it. Let’s get crackin’…

1. It Doesn’t Really Matter What’s in Your Margarita – Yes, really. Whatever it’s mixed with is going to drown out the subtle nuances (or harsh impurities) that vary from tequila to tequila. You’ll certainly be able to taste the tequila in your margarita, but it’s really going to be more of a general “tequila-ish” flavor. Save the good stuff for later (we’ll get to that).
2. Frozen Margaritas Aren’t Doing You Any Favors – First, you’re getting less alcohol. More alcohol would cause the margarita to melt faster, and bars and restaurants are going to be stingy about their alcohol anyway, so you’re going to get shorted when you order a frozen margarita. Secondly, you look like a n00b. More specifically, you look like a teenage girl who thinks she’s a badass because she ordered a virgin daiquiri at Applebees when her parents weren’t there. Frozen drinks by design are for the ladies, and if you’re a guy drinking a frozen margarita in the middle of a room of other guys pounding shots of tequila, well then you win the Guy Most Likely to Always Be “Just a Friend” award. Welcome to a lifetime of loneliness!
3. Patron is Not the End-All Be-All of Tequila – Not to say that it’s a horrible tequila, far from it, but it’s just not the only tequila out there. You impress absolutely nobody by ordering shots of Patron. Everybody orders shots of Patron. You are not a special and unique snowflake. If you want to show off a little (not to mention drink some primo tequila) try ordering Don Julio or Milagro or Herradura. Though make sure to stick to the blanco or maybe añejo, because…
4. Not Every Tequila is Meant to be Shot – Just like high-quality scotch or cognac, many tequilas are meant to be sipping tequilas. Any tequila labeled as “Reposado” means that it’s been aged, and it’s meant to be sipped and enjoyed at length. Shooting this kind of tequila with salt and lime (aka “training wheels” as your server will probably snicker as you order it) or requesting it in a margarita is equivalent to mixing Beluga caviar into your french onion dip. Not that it won’t be good, but that it’s a big expensive waste of quality consumables that will be nowhere near as enjoyable as it could be. So it stands to follow that…
5. Rare or High-Priced Does Not Necessarily Mean Better – A very decent tequila, Sauza, is cheap and readily available…but nobody gives it the credit it’s due, because it’s available in just about every bar and liquor store in the world. I swear I’ve drunk gallons of the stuff enjoying its smooth full-bodied taste and never suffered a hangover once. While that’s not the end-all-be-all of liquor endorsements, I like to think that it’s a pretty important factor. The point is: high price or a worm-shaped bottle* doesn’t necessarily dictate quality.

So that should be enough to get you started, and prevent you from looking like a drooling mouth-breather this Cinco de Mayo. Happy drinking gringos!

*Pro Tip: Tequila NEVER has a worm. That’s mezcal.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 5th, 2008 at 4:49 pm and is filed under How To Drink. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

13 Responses to “Drinking Tequila: 5 Tips How Not To Be a Jackass”

1. tikitender says:

   May 18, 2008 at 9:23 pm

   thanks for mentioning Sauza. I use Sauza Gold at home, but we don’t have it at my bar.

   and….if you see me rolling my eyes and muttering “douchebag” it is probably because someone just ordered a Patron margarita. In my bar, they cost $8.75, what a waste.

   Thanks again for great stuff
2. DrinkPlanner says:

   May 18, 2008 at 9:58 pm

   It really is a very decent tequila that plenty of people overlook because of price point and brand recognition, glad to see I’m not the only one who appreciates Sauza. It really is funny to me how much tequila, moreso than most other alcohols, is very much about status and price. Most people could care less what kind of rum is in their rum and coke, or gin is in their gin and tonic, but when it gets to tequila, most people know two brands (Cuervo and Patron) and in their eyes one makes you look cheap and the other makes you look high-falutin’. There’s so many more out there and so much more to know about it, it blows my mind how people treat tequila.

   Thanks for reading.
3. What Makes a Good Tequila | DrinkPlanner says:

   June 20, 2008 at 3:21 pm

   [...] talked about tequila here before briefly, but Bill Bumgarner gives an excellent overview of what makes a good tequila good and a bad [...]
4. Who IS the DrinkPlanner? | DrinkPlanner says:

   August 18, 2008 at 11:34 pm

   [...] I love drinking with my family.  When I write on this site and espouse drinking like a man or how to drink tequila, it’s not because I’m trying to dictate anyone’s drinking habits.  Honestly all [...]
5. name says:

   August 31, 2008 at 9:46 pm

   Good day!,
6. name says:

   August 31, 2008 at 9:47 pm

   Hello!,
7. name says:

   September 1, 2008 at 3:27 am

   Hi!,
8. Guillermo says:

   December 26, 2008 at 6:39 pm

   Vato, you got it wrong about Reposado and anejo tequilas.
   Reposado means that it’s “rested” in a cask for three months to a year.
   “Anejo” on the other hand is the aged tequila, at least one year more likely six or seven.
   The aduana: Blanco in mixed, reposado shared with compas, anejo for yourself.

   You know why gabachos drink tequila with salt and lime?
   Because Jose Cuervo es mierda.

   Salud!!
9. Mark F says:

   January 26, 2009 at 10:11 am

   tikitender and DrinkPlanner: Sauza Gold is not tequila. It’s tequila mixto–a concoction specifically produced for the foreign market (Mexicans don’t generally drink the stuff). All “Gold” tequilas are mixtos. They’re made from 51% agave and 49% other sugars. The resultant evil kool-aid is then shipped up here in tanker trucks where it’s mixed with water, artificial flavoring and sometimes caramel coloring (the caramel coloring is what makes a mixto a “gold”, and it’ll cost you five bucks more than the clear stuff). Mixtos are suitable for margaritas but that’s about it. They’re not meant to be drunk on their own. Companies that produce mixto tequilas usually buy the cheapest stuff they can get from any company that will give them a good price. In other words, when you lay down your fifteen bucks for a bottle of Sauza Gold, chances are you’re not getting the same tequila you got last time. Think of mixtos as the tequila equivalent of cheap blended whiskey.

   The good news is, the same distillery that turns out Sauza Gold also produces a very nice, very affordable 100% agave tequila called Hornitos, that is a far, far better use of your money.

   If you’re looking for a decent tequila, always make sure it says “100% agave” on the bottle. If it says “Gold” on the bottle, it’s a mixto–guaranteed. Your choices in 100% agave tequilas are blanco (”white”) or plata (”silver”), which is un-aged tequila; reposado (”rested”), which is aged for a short time; and anejo, which is aged for a long time, like a fine whiskey. (Note: as previously mentioned, there are cheap mixto tequilas on the market that leave out the caramel coloring. They’re not the same as a blanco. Again, always look for the “100% agave” on the label.)

   The best way to find a great tequila is to stop by your local bar and order a shot of a good reposado. Start with Cabo Wabo or Corazon or Herradura, for instance. Then sip it–slowly–and enjoy the amazing flavors. I guarantee you’ll never waste your money on Gold again.
10. Mark F says:

    January 26, 2009 at 10:43 am

    PS: If the anejos sound interesting, try a shot of Antigua Cruz or Espolon sometime. Both are excellent and good value for the money. My all-time favorite anejo is Don Julio 1942, but it’s extremely expensive so I don’t get it often. Worth trying, though, if you have any lingering doubts about whether tequila should be considered on the same level as fine scotch or cognac.
11. Michael says:

    February 10, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    I thought it was funny that you got reposado and anejo mixed up in an article about how to not look like a jackass when drinking tequila. Also, I’m an asshole though, so big surprise.
12. Pee Wee says:

    April 30, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    SAUZA tequila taste like Mexican Asshole! trust me i’ve had both
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