Ask DrinkPlanner: Drinks for Beginners
Ask DrinkPlanner is a reoccurring feature here where readers submit their questions, and the crack team at DrinkPlanner does our best to answer. Got a question about booze? Ask us!
I finally got my free Brolly in the mail! Anyway, onto the question…
“Question,
I’m new to the drinking world, so I’ll be the first to admit I’m a total ignorant about it, thus my question, something good, to have for social drinking, that wont be girly or anything like that but I also don’t want something that will leave me shitfaced since I’m not too fond of being a total jackass in public. A friend recently got me some apple martinis when we had gone out, like I said, I’m not too experienced but at least to me they were pretty good, any suggestions and comments?
Thanks,
Fearing Alcohol’s Real Taste”
First things first FART, I hope your friend was a female. A dude buying another dude apple martinis sounds like a date to me. And if that’s what it was, hey…that’s your business. However, you asked for suggestions that aren’t girly, so I’m going to assume your friend was a) a girl, b) it was a joke on you, or c) you seriously need to direct your friend here. Help is available! Operators are standing by!
It’s quite timely that you send in this question now, as I have a younger brother about to turn 21 and was trying to think of appropriate drinks for a new drinker. It’s the perfect season for it too, as summertime drinks tend to be lighter and easier to drink. Let’s enumerate, shall we?
1. Beer - It’s a no-brainer, but it needs to be listed (because some people ain’t got no brains, ya know?). If you enjoy beer, this is a great way to go. Cool, crisp, refreshing, and low alcohol make this a great drink for beginners to cut their teeth on. If you don’t like the taste of the standard American macrobrews (and it’s understandable, many don’t), start with some of the summer brews that most breweries offer. They’re lighter, and often gently flavored with citrus that makes them more palatable to the uninitiated. I had a Leinenkugel Summer Shandy last summer and thought it would be a great starter-beer for people who don’t like beer (and for those who do like beer as well). I had a Miller Chill at a party last weekend and I didn’t hate it (and I’m not a fan of Corona and lime). There are so many different kinds of beer out there you’re bound to find ones you like…just keep a friend close who already likes beer to drink up all the ones you don’t like.
2. Rum and Coke - Also known as a Cuba Libre, it’s almost exactly what it sounds like: white rum, cola, and garnished with a lime. If that’s still too harsh for you, switch over to a spiced rum like Sailor Jerry (my personal favorite) or Captain Morgan to ease the harshness of the rum. Every bar on the planet can make it, it goes down easy, and nobody will question your ability to take a leak standing up.
Oh Xenophobia, you’re so hilarious!
3. Vodka and Fruit Juice - My first full drink I ever had was a cranberry and vodka (aka a Cape Cod) and it was eye-opening as someone whose previous encounters with alcohol had been sips of either scotch or dry (drrryyyyyyy) martinis from my parents that alcohol didn’t have to taste like pickled piss. Scotch and gin don’t taste good to an inexperienced palate, but fruit juice sure does. The great thing about unflavored vodka is it mostly tastes like nothing, so whatever you choose to mix in it takes the dominant flavor. Cranberry, orange, lemonade, pomegranate, whatever…9 times out if 10 it will mix well with vodka.
4. Whiskey Sour - Whiskey sours taste like they were made in Easy Drinkin’ City, Missouruh. With plenty of sweet to go along with the sour, and the “whiskey” part will keep you sounding far from sissified. The sour mix and booze blend almost magically to create a drink that tastes ever-so-nice yet keeps the alcohol content down so you don’t become a “total jackass” in public (have you never heard of karaoke!?! It was practically invented by drunken public jackassery!).
5. Mojitos/Margaritas - As long as they aren’t frozen or from a pre-made all-in-one mix (meaning the kind that have the tequila/rum already added) you’re doing ok. As I’ve said before, frozen drinks have no place in your man-hand unless you’re at the beach, poolside, or on a cruise. Margaritas on the rocks are perfectly acceptable. You still probably wouldn’t want to order one of these after work with your boss (unless in a Tiki bar), but in most other situations a freshly made mojito or margarita is perfectly acceptable (and downright delicious).
If this pantsless freak brings your drink…RUN!
6. Stoli O and Soda Water With an Orange Slice - I picked this one up from my new buddies at the Modern Drunkard forums. It’s more of a make-at-home drink than an order-out drink, but Stoli O (or probably any orange vodka, though I know Stoli O to be good) with soda water, garnished with an orange slice. I’ve made a similar drink with Whitley Neill gin, tonic water, and a clementine orange slice and it was simply divine. There’s just something about citrus in the summertime that really hits the spot, and since it’s in season, it’s a great time to experiment.
There are many more drinks that are good for newbie drinkers, but these are probably the easiest to make or buy at a bar. Got another suggestion? Leave it in the comments. Have a question about boozing? Ask DrinkPlanner!
