2008.
Just wanted to take a quick second and wish all of our readers a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and whatever else (I mean, even if you don’t celebrate, it’s still a day off work, right?). So have a blast today, spend some quality time with family and friends, and of course get thoroughly shnockered.
2008.
This post has nothing to do with booze or drinking, and is basically me ranting and swearing about Delta airlines. So if that’s not of interest to you, or you’d rather not soak up all my negativity just before the holidays, I understand, and recommend you skip this post.
Here’s the deal: My sister and her husband have spent the weekend in New York, taking advantage of the holiday times to have a little mini-vacation, and then come back to Atlanta to celebrate Christmas with our whole family. So she calls me this morning, when they’re supposed to be on their way back, and tells me that Delta over-sold their flight by SIXTY PEOPLE, and not only that, but there’s people from FOUR FLIGHTS AGO that were also over-sold still waiting around to get on a flight, so they don’t know how they’re going to get home and could I please take care of their dog until something gets figured out. She doesn’t know if they’ll get on a flight today or even tomorrow, or if they’ll have to rent a car and drive from New York down to Atlanta to make it back home for Christmas. They weren’t flying standby or on a Buddy Pass or anything, they’re regular paying customers.
Umm…WHAT THE FUCK, DELTA!?! I mean seriously, what the hell are you thinking? You over-sold a flight by SIXTY DAMN PEOPLE TWO DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS. I could maybe understand over-selling a flight by 5-10 people, taking in to account cancellations and people changing flights, but SIXTY PEOPLE!?! Really though, it’s two days before Christmas, and the only reasons people are flying are to either visit their families or to go home from their vacations or jobs to be there for the holiday. Not likely to be canceled.
I DO understand why you’d want to over-book your flights like that, Delta, because you’re a bunch of greedy assholes who don’t give a shit about your customers and would rather inconvenience them, their families, and your own employees to make a buck. Your entire industry has made it very clear that you are vehemently anti-consumer and your disdain for those who would use your services is apparent to anyone who’s been paying attention.
I used to feel bad when I saw big American companies like Delta get bought out or the auto industry failing, but things like this remind me that they’ve not been on our side for a long time. The only people I feel bad for now are the employees who end up out of a job because companies like this can’t remember how to treat their customers like people anymore. I can’t feel sorry for corporations who over and over again make obviously bad decisions and treat the satisfaction of their customers as an afterthought.
My sister called me back, and Delta is putting them on a bus to Washington D.C. and then (theoretically) on a plane back to Atlanta. This is after several hours of being ignored and shuffled around and even forgotten about for a while. This is also assuming that D.C. has their shit together and has a spare flight they can put all of these people on. Needless to say, my confidence is not high.
I just can’t wrap my head around how many bad business decisions were made in this process, and why Delta thinks it’s ok to screw people over this hard and then expect repeat business. It’s been a maddening, exasperating, punch-a-wall experience here, and I can only imagine it’s been far worse for my sister and her husband (and everyone else who was supposed to be not getting screwed by Delta this morning) actually going through it. All I can do now is hope that things don’t get botched any worse than they already have and pray they get back to Atlanta to celebrate Christmas with the rest of our family.
Oh, and I can make sure I never fly Delta ever again.
ARGH.
2008.
I’m currently in the middle of a top-secret booze project. I’ve never done anything like this before, but I think it’s pretty cool. It’s a gift for someone, so I’m not going to give anything away here until after the holiday has passed, but afterwards expect an update detailing the process and results. Who knows, I’m having trouble finding all the things I need, so it could be total failure! What fun!
2008.
Ah! I forgot to mention in my last post the single greatest gift you can give to that special boozer in your life: A DrinkPlanner shirt. For men and women, young and old, amateur to alcoholic, there are so many choices you’re bound to find some you just have to purchase for every single loved one in your life.
Buy a dozen today!
2008.
Oh hello there.
Sorry for the derth of posts lately, gang. Computer issues still abound, and add to that a few days of being violently ill, I’m still getting back up to speed. But I’m still here, and I’ll get everything back to normal as soon as I can, I promise.
Approximately what I’d like to do to my computer
In the meantime, here’s a few fun things. I’d wanted to put out some sort of Boozer’s Gift Guide, but a few of my fellow bloggers have done a far better job than I ever could have, so I’ll just link to theirs:
- Martini Groove’s list is pretty epic
- Trader Tiki’s is suprisingly not entirely tiki-centric
- Alcademics has five damn days of gift ideas
I know I’ve seen more over the past week or so, but those are the ones that stuck in my addled brain. If you’ve come across any other good ones, post them in the comments and share with the rest of the class, please.
THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY is Thursday Drink Night at the Mixoloseum. This week’s event is being sponsored by Sandeman Port, which I think will be very interesting. It’s never really occured to me to try mixing drinks with port wine before, but I think the results could be really interesting. So go pick up a bottle of the 10 Yr Tawny or Founders Reserve (or both!) and head on over for some mixology madness. Check out the post Gabe put up with info on the special guest, prizes, and more!
And last but not least, this guy is wrong. While I heartily approve of his postings of hawt mythbusting vixens, he is wrong wrong wrong and I think you should tell him. He says he doesn’t want a flamewar, which is fine with me, but you guys should still tell him he’s so wrong it hurts. And that his face is stupid.
2008.
So my computer crapped itself today, poo poo poo everywhere. I’m on a friend’s old laptop that’s slow as molasass in the wintertime, so my access will be limited until I get this business fixed. Hopefully it’s a $40 power supply problem and not a $$BAZILLION motherboard problem that’s the source of my ills.
Until then, please enjoy these pictures of Jessica Alba posing for Campari. Super-hot. For realz.
2008.
One of our nation’s tragically under-celebrated holidays is nearly upon us: Repeal Day. December 5th marks that day when the 21st Amendment to the Constitution (yeah, that Constitution) was ratified, nullifying the 18th Amendment which prohibited “the manufacture, sale, or transportation of intoxicating liquors within, the importation thereof into, or the exportation thereof from the United States and all territory subject to the jurisdiction thereof for beverage purposes” …in layman’s terms, nobody could enjoy God’s Gift to mankind that is alcohol. It was a dismal and sad time for our country…but on December 5th 1933, that dark time was conquered, an oppressive veil lifted, and a people were set free from the tyranny of teetotalers and “temperance” zealots who wanted to blame the country’s ills on innocent little alcohol. Horsefeathers, I say! On that blessed day, we rose up and united as one, embracing that fact that we are indeed a Drinking People…it’s part of our culture and part of who we are, dare I say an intrinsic part of our lives, and there’s no activist group or organization or even government that can deny that fact. Yeah!
So, how to celebrate what is possibly the greatest day in our nation’s history? It’s simple: DRINK! No silly costumes, no decorations, no specific animals to be cooked. Just get out there and drink. Throw a party. Go to a bar. Buy some strangers a shot. Drink some bourbon, the official spirit of the gol’ dang US of A by God. SPREAD THE DAMN WORD! Drinking is here, we briefly lost it, and we’ll never ever make that mistake again. It’s your right as an American to imbibe, and how dare you shirk your patriotic duties on this most important of days! How DARE you, sir!?! Your forefathers fought and died for your right to sip that Manhattan or nurse that imported beer*. Show some respect! Have a drink!
*“Fought and died” is probably not entirely accurate, but why take the chance?
2008.
Hot on the heels of our last post looking at the finer points of buying a lady a drink in a bar, Camper over at Alcademics brings us a video about when one drink too many causes us to make decisions we might not under more sober circumstances. Show me, Chris Lova Lova! (aka Ludacris)
Also, I want one of those giant snifters. Oh, the imbibing I’d do!
2008.
You see her across the bar. She’s got that…something. Could be her smile, the way she carries herself, her laugh, her hair, her breathtaking rack…whatever it is, she’s put your eyeballs in a headlock and ain’t letting go. So you decide you want to let her know you’re interested and buy her a drink. But…what do you buy? You have a sneaking feeling that a Screw Me Blue or Blowjob shooter might be a little too forward. You want to come across as classy, but buying a bottle of champagne seems a little over-the-top and trying-too-hard and several other hyphenated phrases you don’t want to be associated with. You can’t let this temptress get away, but you’re frozen stiff not knowing what to do. So what do you do?
You read this guide, dummy.
1. Buy Her Another Round of Her Current Drink – Don’t break your brain trying to figure out if she’s the kind of girl who prefers Cosmos or a glass of wine or even a Guinness. Guessing wrong means you’ve wasted a drink and you’re possibly insulting her. She may feel like you’ve classified her as an “Appletini Girl” when she’s actually a “Raspberritini Girl” and frankly, there’s no recovering from that. She’s already got a drink, don’t make it any more difficult than it has to be. Ask the bartender what she’s drinking, order another for her and have them deliver it to her. Oh, and don’t do it anonymously stupid, make sure you get pointed out.
“You drink what I TELL you to drink, woman! Now go buy me another purple tie!”
2. Upgrade Her Drink – Take what she’s already drinking and make it better. If she’s drinking a gin and tonic with house gin, tell the bartender to make it a Tanqueray Ten and tonic. If she’s drinking Cavit Cabernet Sauvignon, upgrade it to a Liberty School Cab or maybe a trendy Argentinian Malbec. DON’T just buy the most expensive thing on the list, that makes you look like a sucker who has no personal taste. You’re upgrading to do something nice for her, look like you’ve got some sense/class, and show that you’re not a cheapskate. Buying the most expensive spirit available just shows that you have no personal taste, and you’d rather throw money around to get a girl than use your personality and good old fashioned courtin’ skillz to attract her. There ARE girls who are fine with this buy-me-lobster-and-caviar-and-nothing-less-than-Dom-Perignon-damnit approach. They are, quite frankly, tasteless trollops and amoral strumpets not worthy of a gentleman’s time*.
3. Relax and Be Yourself – When her drink is delivered, don’t be an over-eager moron. Give eye contact, a slight but earnest smile (not a big toothy grin, that will only make you look mad rapey) and maybe a nod. Don’t wink. If she’s interested, she’ll come over and talk to you. This is a good thing, it separates her from her friends and brings her into your space. Now you have a chance to work whatever magic you’ve been blessed with sans BFF distraction and if you’re lucky…make a connection.
Chill out with the rape-eyes, Roofie McGropesalot
4. Listen to The Modern Drunkard – In their 86 Rules of Boozing, The Modern Drunkard’s list of rules for drinkers includes several that apply to this very situation. To wit:
“6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
“14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.”
Incredibly true, and I couldn’t say it any better (and I dare not steal it without crediting), so there it is. Really, buying a girl a drink can be something special, so don’t be a sucker and buy a drink for every pretty face you see. Separate yourself from the unwashed masses as a gentleman of class and refinement, and make it mean something when you do happen to buy an unknown lady a beverage at a bar.
Beyond this, you’re on your own. Maybe some of those sleazeball “hookup artists” can further your game beyond this, but that’s not really my job. Buying a girl a drink is a great “in” and hopefully you’ve got the character (or have consumed enough Liquid Courage) to carry yourself past that point and don’t need to use tricks to get a girl to be interested in you. If you’re a decent guy, she’ll figure it out once you give her the chance.
So good luck! Wooing the opposite sex is not an easy trick, hopefully this guide will get you a step or two closer to sealing the deal.
*Unless that’s what you’re going for. In which case…enjoy spending your cash on souless gold-diggers!
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