Yes, we tested it. First, the Field Tests, then the in-depth Analysis.
Well we decided we needed someplace to test out the Bierstick. None of our friends were having any house parties anytime soon, and the Bierstick was begging to be broken in, so we decided to venture out to Bullfrogz to make our own party.
And whaddya know, our friends from Anheuser-Busch were in the house promoting Bud Select. Could this be fate? They even had their smokin’-hot Agent 99 girls (because Bud Select is only 99 calories, who knew?) circulating and generally setting the place ablaze. Observe:
NOT your best effort, DP staff photographer. Still, the sultry Agent 99 girls (in the garish orange jackets and short-shorts, DUH) shine through.
So we figured this must be serendipity in action, God himself smiling upon us and our endeavor. So we made the rounds, chatted up the folks at the bar and the staff (and the Agent 99 girls, of course) and soon found ourselves some willing participants. The bar was so hyped about it though, they wanted to do it as a race: 1 Bottled Beer vs. the Bierstick. How could we say no? So we purchased a pitcher of Bud Select and filled it up. Here’s what happened when the two went head-to-head:
Did you expect anything different? It should be noted that the guy with the beer bottle had a straw poking out if his bottle to let the air escape faster, so he could pound it even quicker. It should ALSO be noted that the first time we tried this, the cap of the Bierstick popped right off, and dumped the beer on the floor. Lesson learned? Hold on to the cap.
But was that enough for the Bullfrogz crowd? Oh HELL no. They’d just seen their old buddy Bottled Beer get it’s ass kicked by some punk kid by the name of Bierstick. So they proposed a new challenge: Bierstick vs. Draft Beer. Free of the constraints of a bottle, free-flowing Draft Beer actually had a chance at outpacing this young upstart. We still had over half a pitcher left, so we said “Hell yes!” and set it up. Seriously, none of the racing was our idea, but it was a brilliant move collectively by the bar patrons. Anyway, the following ensued:
Yep, yet again the Bierstick came out ahead by a pretty decent margin. Really, it was no contest. The only challenge left was to do the full-on two beer challenge. Sadly, we couldn’t find anyone willing to do it. And you can see in the video how crowded the bar was, we still had no takers. I’m tellin’ ya, binge drinking just isn’t what it used to be.
Analysis:
So for the most part, the Bierstick performed as expected, I’ve never seen anything slam a beer faster, including funnels. Funnels are using gravity to drop the beer down your throat, but the Bierstick uses your own weight to shove it down your gullet as fast as possible. With the exception of the top popping off that one time and some issues I had getting the rubber rings to stay in their grooves before-hand, it’s pretty much a flawless execution (just watch for air at the top, unless you want to burp all night long). It does what it’s supposed to do: Help you drink beer really fast. I predict that the Bierstick will someday soon overtake the funnel and shotgunning as the preferred method of chugging beer. Everyone in the bar was crazy about it, asking where they could get one (even the Agent 99 girls were asking me about it and were talking about it to other drinkers in the bar).
Speed drinking isn’t really my thing (I just can’t consume that fast, nor do I like to) but I can’t fault the Bierstick for that, it performs as advertised. So what’s my conclusion?
Highly Recommended (if speed drinking is your thing)
Bierstick (tell ‘em DrinkPlanner sent ya!)