I know everyone thinks they know how to drink tequila. YOU probably think you know how to drink tequila. Chances are, you’re wrong (sorry!). Not sure if you know what you’re doing? Ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you usually order Patron?
- Do you order expensive top shelf tequila in your margaritas?
- Do you have to have salt and lime handy to drink it straight?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, guess what?
Well this Cinco de Mayo (the Mexican holiday most celebrated by gringos!) We here at DrinkPlanner are putting on a clinic to make sure you don’t look like a damn fool when you go out in public. Or that you at least look smarter than your damn fool friends. So much of the culture around tequila drinking is based on impressing other people. It’s not hard to impress people, and you don’t have to spend a fortune to do it. Let’s get crackin’…
- It Doesn’t Really Matter What’s in Your Margarita – Yes, really. Whatever it’s mixed with is going to drown out the subtle nuances (or harsh impurities) that vary from tequila to tequila. You’ll certainly be able to taste the tequila in your margarita, but it’s really going to be more of a general “tequila-ish” flavor. Save the good stuff for later (we’ll get to that).
- Frozen Margaritas Aren’t Doing You Any Favors – First, you’re getting less alcohol. More alcohol would cause the margarita to melt faster, and bars and restaurants are going to be stingy about their alcohol anyway, so you’re going to get shorted when you order a frozen margarita. Secondly, you look like a n00b. More specifically, you look like a teenage girl who thinks she’s a badass because she ordered a virgin daiquiri at Applebees when her parents weren’t there. Frozen drinks by design are for the ladies, and if you’re a guy drinking a frozen margarita in the middle of a room of other guys pounding shots of tequila, well then you win the Guy Most Likely to Always Be “Just a Friend” award. Welcome to a lifetime of loneliness!
- Patron is Not the End-All Be-All of Tequila – Not to say that it’s a horrible tequila, far from it, but it’s just not the only tequila out there. You impress absolutely nobody by ordering shots of Patron. Everybodyorders shots of Patron. You are not a special and unique snowflake. If you want to show off a little (not to mention drink some primo tequila) try ordering Don Julio or Milagro or Herradura. Though make sure to stick to the blanco or maybe añejo, because…
- Not Every Tequila is Meant to be Shot – Just like high-quality scotch or cognac, many tequilas are meant to be sipping tequilas. Any tequila labeled as “Reposado” means that it’s been aged, and it’s meant to be sipped and enjoyed at length. Shooting this kind of tequila with salt and lime (aka “training wheels” as your server will probably snicker as you order it) or requesting it in a margarita is equivalent to mixing Beluga caviar into your french onion dip. Not that it won’t be good, but that it’s a big expensive waste of quality consumables that will be nowhere near as enjoyable as it could be. So it stands to follow that…
- Rare or High-Priced Does Not Necessarily Mean Better – A very decent tequila, Sauza, is cheap and readily available…but nobody gives it the credit it’s due, because it’s available in just about every bar and liquor store in the world. I swear I’ve drunk gallons of the stuff enjoying its smooth full-bodied taste and never suffered a hangover once. While that’s not the end-all-be-all of liquor endorsements, I like to think that it’s a pretty important factor. The point is: high price or a worm-shaped bottle* doesn’t necessarily dictate quality.
So that should be enough to get you started, and prevent you from looking like a drooling mouth-breather this Cinco de Mayo. Happy drinking gringos!