And now for something completely different…
I know, it’s been too long since I’ve done one of these. MY BAD. This time we take a look at FrostShots!
The Lowdown: So let me state right up front that I have no high-minded cocktailian delusions going into this review. This is a party drink, plain and simple, so I have no expectation for FrostShots to be anything but. FrostShots are basically Otter Pops with 10% alcohol frozen into them. These are not meant to be daintily sipped (pinky OUT!) over Sunday brunch alongside poached eggs and scones. These are meant to be downed amid a sea of rhythmically writhing nubile bodies in a thumping nightclub or (more likely) enjoyed on the back porch grilling out with some friends. Or poolside. Or at the beach. Basically, any place where it’s hot and drinking is appropriate. JOKE ABOUT A HOT PLACE AND YOUR MOTHER (Boca Raton?).
First of all, this is the first product I’ve ever seen that has been able to freeze alcohol at that high of a content, so…hooray science!* They’re available in five different flavors with with silly names like Tropical Explosion and Extreme Mojito because no doi, of course they are. But before we get down to the tasting portion, I’ve got to show you my hands-down favorite thing about FrostShots. This image is on every box and every individual package, and it cracks me right the hell up.
NO BABIES! I’m not sure if this is a taunting “No babies allowed, this is for serious party people only, BRO” or a sincere “Please for the love of God don’t be so stupid as to give this to a teething child” or just a great joke on the part of the manufacturers, but any way you slice it I think it’s hilarious.
The Taste: For the official tasting, I did what anyone would, I took a ton of these down to the beach with my family. Parents, brothers, sisters, even not-yet one-year old nephews…ERRBODY (don’t worry, I adhered to the NO BABIES! rule). Seemed like the perfect venue. So let me give a few general notes before we get to the individual tastes of each one:
1. They’re just not going to stay completely frozen. They tend to maintain a slushie-like consistency. I emailed the very helpful marketing dude and he advised that I separate them out of their boxes (they come 10 to a box) and that should help. And it did, though I didn’t exactly have the room to space out all 50 of them, but I did it with a handful of them and it worked. But just a minute or so out of the freezer and they were back to slushie-state. This isn’t a complaint, just letting you know that if you’re expecting them to stay frozen solid for a bit like traditional Otter Pops, it ain’t happenin’.
2. Speaking of Otter Pops, you know how they’re mostly icey and there’s not a whole ton of flavor and you have to wait for them to melt a little to get the good strong flavor? Yeah, that’s not the case with these. FrostShots are BOOMING with flavor, above and beyond what you would expect. You wanted a Cherry Bomb, YOU GOT YOURSELF A DAMN CHERRY BOMB. Boom all over your tastebuds.
So now, The Flavors…
1. Caribbean Passion: Passionfruit flavored. Not entirely sure what a passionfruit tastes like, but it was sweet and slightly citrusy and even had a little floral component. Whaddya know, nuance!
2. Tropical Explosion: Pineapple is the tropical fruit exploding here, to be specific. We all agreed that this was our least favorite flavor, it was just too cloying and artificial tasting. Hey, sometimes you miss.
3. Cherry Bomb: One of the most liked flavors, to be sure. Generic crowd-pleasing red cherry flavor…TO THE MAXX!
4. XXX Martini: I don’t know if I’ll ever understand why the raspberry one was named XXX Martini (is that a thing?), but it was probably my favorite flavor, unfortunate naming aside.
5. Extreme Mojito: Lime flavored. I didn’t pick up any mint like you would have in an actual mojito, but it would probably be overpowering and gross in this artificial form (as artificial mint is wont to do), so I think we probably dodged a bullet.
Would you drink it again? Sure. As with much of drinking, it’s all about the appropriate drink for the appropriate occasion. No, I didn’t bust these out for Mother’s Day, but the next time somebody says “Hey we’re grilling out, come on over!” I’m definitely grabbing some of these and heading over.
Would you recommend it to someone else? Again, it depends on the person. There’s no way I’d recommend them to my refined mixologist buddies, but I’d definitely give them the thumbs up to most people I know, who are normal everyday people and generally far less snobby picky. It’s marketed as a Miami club sexy thing, which is fine, but honestly I think they’d get a lot more traction marketing them as a backyard poolside grilling-out kind of thing. Pretty much everybody does that in the summertime, ya know? These would be great when you’re sitting outside baking in the sun, the smell of burgers and hot dogs in the air…sure the cold beer is helping you beat the heat, but when you need something just a bit colder…FrostShot! See? I’m a marketing genius. I should run every company.
Overall: I’m not going to give an overall score to five different flavors because that is just not fair, but I’d say overall, taking them for what they are…FrostShots scores a solid B.
So throw a frigging party, grill some burgers, and get some FrostShots to thrill (and inebriate) your friends! Just make sure you invite me.
*Cancer and AIDS, we’ll get to you in a bit…after we cure baldness and softpenis.